Unobtainable
by emeraldoni
Summary: Step away from her. This is not your place. She was his savior. Juugo. Sakura. This was not meant to be.
1. Chapter 1

Unobtainable

By: emeraldoni

_Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimot and not me. And be glad for that, because I would make a right mess of things._

XxX

_:: There's a hero in every man, every woman, every child::_

XxX

Juugo was man who knew no limit when it came to murder. His impulses coursed through his body and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Shame and guilt may have layered his skin, cracking his heart, but it was the bloodlust that fogged his mind and made his fingers twitch to just—kill.

And then he found her.

She took no notice of him, not really. He was her enemy, and she his, but there was something about her steady hands and passionate eyes that made the crimson haze leak away from his vision. He was caught in a web that led to her, though it was not of her making. It was Juugo's fault that he fell into such a trap, a trap of his own making. So confusing. So simple.

When with her—like when he was with Uchiha Sasuke—he felt no urge to kill.

And so he followed her, tracking her bright hair through wood and desert, keeping silent in the shadows as her blond friend—the Kyuubi boy—and a few others traveled in search of the revenge Sasuke lived for, in search of Itachi .

She saw him one night, when she was out collecting firewood. Her eyes widened and she dropped the faggots bundled in her arms, but before she could make a moved to hurt him, he raced forward and placed a calloused hand over her mouth.

"Shhhh," he said, "I don't mean any harm."

But her eyes were still suspicious, wary and narrowed as he felt her body tense and relax in front him, her chakre beginning to flow in flowery patterns.

He liked this girl, not because of her looks or fighting skill, be because of the effect she had on him.

Juugo did not tell Uchiha Sasuke where he went during those long periods of time. The new snake shinobi probably didn't even care. It wasn't until one night, when the younger Uchiha had picked a pastel hair off of Juugo's shoulder that he became curious.

"What is this, Juugo,?" he asked, holding the short hair between delicate fingertips. "Whose is this?"

Juugo was silent for a moment, watching the leader of their miniature platoon with a cautious eye, before turning away.

"A friend's," he muttered, fading into the darkness to go find her, because though she saw him as an enemy, and vice versa, she was still his savior, and he was still, somehow, her friend.

He hadn't killed in a month.

It was the longest he had gone without bathing his hands in warm blood. It was the longest he went without hearing a person's terrified screams.

And so, with that in mind, Juugo kept silent as Sasuke watched him with a wary eye, and, slowly, Sakura's smiled grew wider.

He would catch her when she left camp, and her heart no longer leapt when he solidified before her, a ghost in the shadows showing his face. She would sit down quietly, back against a tree, as he crouched a few feet away, face smooth, eyes riveted upon her.

They were friends.

And then Juugo learned of something, something he didn't wish to learn.

He had always known there was some sort of past between his leader and the girl who held his heart. He knew they had been some sort of thing in the past, that they had known one another, fought one another, and that her current mission was to get him back.

He didn't know she loved him.

He didn't want to know that.

One night Juugo was followed when he went to visit his savior. When Uchiha Sasuke melted into the light, Juugo felt such an intense wave of hatred, jealousy that threatened to overwhelm his precious, if weak, grip on humanity, but he withheld from attacking the silent man.

Sakura had gasped and stood, quivering fingers gripping the bark of the tree she had been leaning against mere moments before. Her other hand had tensed before her mouth. Juugo stayed on the ground, staring up at his leader, his controller, the man who was his living prison, and he thought, this man will take everything from me, everything.

"Sasuke…" she whispered, reaching a timid hand out, but pulling it back in as Sasuke remained unresponsive.

Finally, Juugo stood, taking a step away from Sasuke, a few inches towards Sakura. It didn't go unnoticed as the Uchiha boy turned his attention towards his subordinate.

"Juugo," he said, voice level, like his gaze, "step away from her. This is not your place."

Juugo remained solid still, his gaze turned away from Sasuke, and towards the girl he was so enraptured with. They said nothing, Sakura's clever, stunned eyes darting between him and Sasuke, then back again.

They left.

Juugo following behind the silent young man, broad shoulders hunched over as his mind kept flashing image and image again, all concerning one girl and the way her eyes like sunlit foliage had brightened with tears as Juugo and Sasuke disappeared.

They didn't see each other under friendly pretenses again, and Juugo learned something.

_:: Absence makes the heat grow fonder::_

XxX

**A/N: **Dunno. Mary be continued, may not. Have to work on the next chapter of A BDintheN. (I love reviews.)

Until next time.

emeraldoni


	2. Chapter 2

He likes to watch her when she isn't paying attention

**Unobtainable**

By: emeraldoni

xxx

_We remember the past…_

_xxx_

He likes to watch her when she isn't paying attention. When she is so focused with some menial task: mixing herbs, weaving loose bandages, sharpening weapons… she is beautiful. He wants to touch her, but it is not allowed. It's forbidden. Wrong. She doesn't want to touch a monster. No one touches him. Ever.

But she looks up and brushes a short strand or hair behind a petite ear and smiles, eyes glowing like sunlight through lush trees.

He yearns.

He desires her. Her affection, her love, her acceptance… he wants to be the only man she thinks about. He wants her to forget about Sasuke, about Naruto, about every other man that is in her team, in her village, in her life. He wants her vision to be filled with Juugo.

Juugo, Juugo, Juugo, Juugo….

He skips away as someone calls her name.

"Sakura!" They yell. She drops her kunai to her lap, looking up expectedly.

"Yeah?" She asks, as a boy with sharp hair walks into the clearing.

"You by yourself?" He asks, black eyes shifting around the area with careful scrutiny. He is suspicious. Juugo withdraws even further into the leaves. The tree branch creaks slightly beneath him, but the other shinobi pays no attention, his eyes settling on her. On Sakura.

"We're about ready to head out. We need to get back tonight."

"Already? Has it been that long?"

The man looks at her oddly. "You're usually so anxious to get home."

She laughs and he decides to settle down next to her, one leg propped up, the other stretched out as he leans against the tree. His eyes rest too long, and Juugo feels his chest tighten, his muscles tense. Eyes blur.

But she just smiles and looks up into the trees, in his direction, and says, "The weather has made this trip…bearable."

The man is silent. "Hm." He says.

Juugo leaves. He will have more time with her today. She will be busy, with traveling and teammates, and little scratches they will receive from succulent branches that appear from nowhere.

When he returns that night they have left, no trace of them left behind. He wants to follow, but a shadow morphs beside him.

_No, _it whispers, bright eyes swirling red, smoky body twisting around Juugo's hunched shoulders. _She is not yours, never yours. Mine, his, theirs. Never yours. Too weak to hold, too weak to follow. Too, too weak…. _

Sakura gets home that night, and her apartment feels empty because no one is there watching her. She wonders if maybe she made a mistake when she befriended the enemy, but isn't that better that what _he _did?

Guilt still twists her belly, guilt that maybe her ties to Konoha are not ties or loyalty, but ties of friendship.

(She would leave if her friends did. What was this place but empty stone eyes and hollow beaten paths and painful memories?)

She thinks about Naruto and her love for him, and Ino and everyone else who she shares a shaky bond with. He fear is being left alone, though she doesn't know why because, when has she ever been alone?

(Maybe it's because of him, her heart whispers, but she easily pushes that thought away. She's practiced at forgetting.)

No one but the guards notice when she strolls though the shadowed gates of her home. They nod and she nods back. They know that she needs time outside of the city. They don't know that tonight she is classified as a traitor.

(She's more reliant on her new friend than she realized.)

And Sasuke stares at a fire as Juugo disappears once more into the shadowed woods, and he mulls over the past, but does not regret it. He hangs on to it with a fragile string, dragging it behind him as he searches for compensation.

(He still feels the blood as it drips down his face, warm, soft, like the stream midsummer.)

And it's almost Spring now and he knows that his subordinate does not listen. Something will have to be done. No distractions. The string is thin.

It will break.

Xxx

…_because the future is terrifying._

_xxx_


	3. Chapter 3

Unobtainable

By: emeraldoni

_::Perhaps, inside, we all carry a selfish desire to put ourselves first…::_

Sometimes he likes to remember how he was born. Not because he gets any special warmth, or love from the memory, but because he likes to remind himself how much of a monster he really is. Never has he been good or kind, never has he been loving, or loved.

And so when he appears beneath him, hair glowing in the weak rays of moonlight filtering through the thick foliage, he almost wishes to cry. She looks up, knowing exactly where he is—

(How does she know? _She always knows_.)

--and then settles down, legs crossed on the ground as she pulls out lotion to put on her chapped, battle worn hands. She is perfection, despite the weary bags beneath her eyes, and the blood caked beneath her fingernails, she is an angel. He forgets his birth, his death, and every murder he has ever committed. He forgets Sasuke and his vendetta and his threats.

Juugo thinks he loves her. Not as a woman, not as anything. He just loves her. She has his loyalty and respect and admiration. He would follow her; leave Sasuke, in an instant if she asked him to.

(But she never would.)

After a couple minutes of studying her slim figure, he drops from the trees. His hair shadows his thin face as she looks up and smiles—

(Would she smile if she knew what he has done?)

--and pats a patch of dirt next to her.

"Come sit down, Juugo."

She watches him as he sits. His shoulders tense and his eyes always remain on her face, wary and hopeful, like a dog that has been kicked too many times, but still remains loyal. She relaxes, his presence soothing, despite the awkwardness he exhibits. She is attached, like a patient to a painkiller. She is addicted to him.

Despite all her flaws he still comes back. He travels all the way to her home, to his enemy, to his killer, just to see her, to smell her, to watch her as she uses him and destroys herself.

Slowly she reaches over and grabs his hand, thinking about war, and Konoha: Sasuke and Naruto: and the way her past still floods her future like an uncontrolled tsunami of memories. Bu the feel of callused fingers beneath hers, cold and slightly damp with nervousness, makes her believe that she is not trapped in this endless, hated cycle. And slowly she begins to wish that even Sasuke would disappear.

And in town Naruto vows Sakura's loyalty has he downs another round of sake with his friends. Becoming more flushed and relaxed as he speaks on her devotion and unending loyalty. On how she wouldn't betray him, and he her, for the world.

Sakura slides closer to Juugo, brushing her own soft lips against his, sighing as he tenses then relaxes, as his hands rest lightly on her trim waist.

Because she is loyal and he is broken, because he wants to forget and she can't help but remember. He seeks solace in her body, her mind, her smile and eyes and hair, while she focuses on his lips and thinks that _this is new. This is the future._

_::And the cycle is broken.::_


	4. Chapter 4

UnObtainable

by: emeraldoni

Sasuke notices one day that Juugo is not angry. That more birds land on his shoulder and he likes to drift off in daydream and not be on lookout when the Uchiha asks. He notices that Juugo is gone for long periods of time and Karin and Suigetsuremain silent around him, even though they are usually very loud. Sasuke wonders whether he should pull the man aside and scold him, or just kill him. He can't decide. He knows he has been disobeyed, but he also knows he shouldn't really care.

That doesn't change that he does though. There are no pink hairs clinging desperately to Sasuke's shoulders, as though hair counts, and his chest tightens and he snaps at Karin for getting too close, and Suigetsu for bragging.

At night Juugo leaves, and Sasuke watches him over the fire as the blond strides into the trees, broad shoulders hunching to avoid snapping unnecessary branches. Sasuke really wants to kill him.

Juugo returns in the morning, and doesn't complain about a lack of sleep or even show bags under his eyes. He seems more energetic than before. Sometimes he comes back and any wounds he had are healed. Sometimes he even smiles at him, and Sasuke feels the curse seal twitch in response.

At night, he imagines different ways to kill Juugo. Sometimes he just lops the other man's head off. Sometimes he disembowels him. One night he chopped him up, starting at the fingers, ending with his eyes.

Yes the Uchiha doesn't say anything. He just watches. He knows that despite what _she _is doing, he is still number one. She will always look for him in the end, because the unknown is always better than the known, and to Sakura, Sasuke is unknown.

OOO

Naruto begins to notice something different about Sakura. She doesn't brush her hair very much, and she eats ramen more with him now. She doesn't complain about the nutritional value like usual.

He asks her one day, "Are you okay, Sakura-chan?"

But she just laughs in response, "Of course, Naruto. You saying I'm weak?"

And he quickly shakes his head so he won't lose it (because DAMN she can hurt).

Naruto knows he is not the smartest out of them all. He's not a genius like Neji, nor clever like Kakashi, but he is not stupid either. Something is wrong, but the only thing he can do is be there for her, which just doesn't seem to be enough.

OOO

She loves the way his large hands fit around her waist. He is twice her size, and she keeps thinking she should get him some clothes because a sheet is just not enough. Though it is easy for her to worm her hands to the warm skin beneath, because she loves that too. His skin is smooth, muscles hard, and he is always so warm, like an electric blanket.

She doesn't touch any more than that though. She is afraid. His eyes are desperate sometimes, and she is scared. Sometimes she can convince herself that it's not really betrayal (they haven't had sex, right?) so as long as she doesn't move her hands, as long as she suppresses the urge to moan when he touches her, everything will be alright (right?).

Sakura wishes she didn't always have to meet him in the woods. She wishes she could bring him home like a normal man. She wishes she could take him to Ichiraku, where Naruto would bug him to no end, then she could take Juugo back to her apartment and she would make some tea and kiss him over the tabletop as their drinks got cold and she would toss them to make more. She would laugh sheepishly, and he would walk up behind her and slowly kiss her neck as she....

Sakura hates herself. Tsunade-shishou looks at her oddly on Monday, asking how things are and if Sakura is being overworked at the hospital. Sakura apologizes and just says her head is in the clouds, because it is (that's where Juugo is, in her mind. The clouds).

That night when she sees him she puts her forehead to his, staring into his soft eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and she wants to grimace because she has been asked that far too many times.

"I'm perfect." She says, because she is. As long as she is with him and ignoring the leaf head band tucked away in her pocket.

He smiles and her world falls away and she wonders how the hell this happened. Because, really, what the _hell_?

Then she pulls her mind back into her body, and she starts to plan, because things can't stay like this. She is going to fix things. Herself, him, and this situation. She just has to plan.


	5. Chapter 5

Juugo thinks life is intangible; like sound, like the sky, like air, like love.

He rubs his hands over the wet dirt, mud, and it wraps around his fingers and beneath his nails and stains the edges of his sleeves. Suigetsu is beside him, gnashing his sharp, carnivorous teeth and inspecting his sword in the weak, gray sunlight. Karen twirls her hair while reading a scroll-a medical scroll-and Juugo can't help but think how different _they_ are.

Sasuke is not there. Sasuke has been gone since Juugo returned in the morning, and this makes Juugo nervous. Something taunts him, something giggles in the back of his twisted, tainted brain that _something bad is going to happen this cannot last it won't last. _

But how could that be? Sakura has not changed, the world has not changed. Winter has shifted in to spring, and the fire nation slowly slides into a subtle summer.

But not today. Today it is blah, and wet, and the entire earth is soggy and disdainful, like it can't bear to share any joyfulness when the sky is veiled thus.

"This is taking forever," Suigetsu groans petulantly.

"Shut up," Karen snaps, "don't question Sasuke-kun when he is on an important mission."

Suigetsu rolls his eyes. "Don't get into a snit, crazy."

Karen huffs and flops back down onto her pack. Later in the day she will find some way to needle Suigetsu mercilessly-a revenge technique she favors-until Sasuke orders them to be quiet or suffer a fatal punishment.

Juugo waits, and the breeze sifts through branches like a lover's sigh, and he can't help but muse on the girl. The girl, because suddenly blood seems so lovely right now, coating his fingers like mud, running in his veins, between his teeth, over his tongue and out of their tortured, mangled bodies.

Pink hair. Green eyes. Deep breath. _Breathe. _Her lips on his. Her lips on his neck. Her lips on his palm. Her lips. _Breathe. _

O

Sakura is chatting at the front desk when the first one comes in. A gaping hole is placed dead center of the stomach, and the edges burnt and ragged, and for the life of her Sakura can't figure out how this boy, this barely-a-ninja boy, is still alive. She rushes to him, pumping chakre and life into his veins, forcing breath in to his lungs and trying to see how good her addition is. How many beats of a heart is a life?

But in the back of her mind, in the very back, like a forgotten closet hidden subtly behind cobwebs and autumn detritus, is the horrible knowledge.

Even after years of absence she recognizes the damage of the chidori.

Crickets buzz in the back of her mind, and the boy dies, but Sakura can't mourn, because there is another one, and then another one, and then there is a flood of young, underage shinobi. Some she saves. Some she doesn't. Their blood paints her hands and face and heart, and after too many hours Tsunade is there, pushing her out the doors and snapping at her to _get the hell out and don't come back. _

In her kitchen, in the back of a barely used cupboard, is a mostly full bottle of whiskey. Sakura withdraws it carelessly, tearing the top off and stuffing the glass rim to her lips where the bitter, nausea inducing taste washes away the copper that coats her teeth.

Naruto is not far behind her, knocking on her door and letting himself in. They sit on the couch, staring silently at a wall until the bottle is empty and they are sozzled and all they can dream about is redemption.


End file.
